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Cravings (NSFW text)

I’m craving fairly strict restraint, and really have been for a couple of days (ok, there was the half-night in the straitjacket and hood last week, but that was for medicinal purposes). Jalan’s still not feeling up to snuff, so what will probably end up working best for both of us is an above-average level of restraint for the night — without putting too much onus on her when it comes to letting me up to walk the dog in the morning.

I’ll ask . . .

 
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Posted by on June 17, 2012 in Play

 

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Back where I belong (NSFW text)

I’m at home, Jalan’s at home, I’ve been allowed to have orgasms, we found an affordable plumber, and life is as it should be. Today has been a day of my pampering her. Tomorrow we’ll go out to celebrate six months since I took her collar. We take care of each other.

The processing of lessons to learn from the bad trip (not that kind) continues. It’s part of deciding what kind of life and lives Jalan and I are building together. Some progress is being made on both our parts, but of course life’s responsibilities continue during this process. And it would not work as well if they didn’t.

Oh, and our new toy arrived.  ExtremeRestraints (nsfw link) had a nice sale and we got some thigh cuffs, something we’ve wanted for awhile. The plan is to add a couple more hitching rings to the bed (as if it doesn’t have enough attachment points) and improvise from there. Much fun!

 

 
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Posted by on June 16, 2012 in Chastity and denial, D/s, Play

 

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“I have decided that you will not . . .” (explicit NSFW text)

What I’d been hoping and dreading (in the “be careful what you wish for” sense) happened yesterday. Jalan had me strung up in a partial suspension, blindfolded and gagged. She talked about loving seeing me off-balance, which she means in more ways than one. That she feels her dominance when she pushes me — again, in more ways than one.

That it’s harder to get me than some men to the point where we both know, viscerally, that I have yielded. Not because of a high pain threshold. I’m no masochist. But because some of the tools she’s worked with in the past operate by setting up the planning and anticipating in the submissive partner. But I am already doing that all the time. For her to feel me yield, no matter what I say and do for her, requires a different kind of push.

She took off the blindfold, but left the ring gag in.  She explained these things to me. Then:

 I have decided that you will not come again until I can feel your need for it. Not just your want for it. And I don’t know when that will be.

I’d seen some of this coming. I’d been bound for awhile (comfortably and safely, not the suspension, nor gagged) while she showered. I could hear enough to be pretty sure that whatever else happened during this scene, I would not be the one getting off. And the issue of denial had been circling our conversations and aims for a few weeks. I do my best not to be demanding, but we still have channels by which I am permitted to communicate such desires. And she can read me like a book to begin with.

But the ride has begun.

Thank you, Ma’am. I do love you.

#chastity #denial

 

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Bedtime in the life of a pet (NSFW text)

I wrote about mornings a couple of weeks ago. Yesterday, I saw a Twitter conversation about sleeping in bondage, which spurred me to continue the series with bedtime.

Jalan and I have a bedtime ritual (of course). I almost invariable am sleepy well before she is. I’m a terrible, terrible, morning person. I might start getting drowsy at 7pm, or it might be 10:30pm — most often 9ish. As I say something to the effect of, “I’m starting to fade, Ma’am,” we begin the ritual.

Most often, it begins with “How was your day?” Currently, both of us are home most of most days — “living in each other’s pockets,” as I am wont to say. But this is still important. It’s not just, “What did you today?” which we generally already know, but rather, “Was it a good day?” We talk about this. It’s  connecting time.

We then usually talk about what the next day will bring. We may already know the just-the-facts, but also what we’re looking forward to (or not). More connecting time. We may or may not make plans at this point for something additional. Finally, I ask what time to awaken her in the morning. Most often the answer is 7am. And, of course, there are the “I love you”s and “sleep well”s. There is a certain formula she uses at night to tell me she loves me, but that’s private.

Sometime in this, she recognizes I’m falling asleep, so offers to tuck me in. This invariably involves at least leather cuffs locked on. The baseline is the ankle cuffs padlocked together and the wrist cuffs padlocked together, but there are variations. More often than not, there’s a chain to the bed from at least the ankles, sometimes also from the wrists. The amount of slack I have depends on her mood and what she perceives will suit me that night.

Then there are nights (mostly when I have little to do the next day) that it’s much more rigorous. Sometimes she gets out the leather play collar and locks it on, chaining my wrists to it — damage to my primary collar is not to be risked.  Sometimes, my wrists are anchored to my ankles. Sometimes a combination, leaving me little maneuvering room. Sometimes, it’s a whole web of chain, though she is careful to not leave my lying on locks. It’s not always chain, but far more often than not. On occasion, there’s a blindfold or hood (such as our spandex hood with the sewn-in blindfold but a mouth and nose cutout, so there’s no breathing concern). On occasion, there are fist mitts locked on, making my hands rather useless. Plenty of variety.

On occasion — fairly seldom, her judgment is usually sufficient — I’ll specifically ask for something particularly restrictive, depending on my emotional needs of the night. I almost never ask for a specific form to the bondage, just a degree of restriction. If I’m particularly stressed or anxious, the bondage is usually more stringent, whichever of us makes the decision.

Obviously, it’s not always easy to sleep. Though as other claustrophiles know, the bonds can actually make it easier. There’s also an interaction with the desire and ability to masturbate, but there are rules aplenty governing that, so it may or may not happen.

I’m under standing instructions to wake her for bathroom needs or any distress, not just physical. As noted in the previous entry, I’m usually wake well before 7. The actual time to wake her to be unchained (barring bathroom urgency) is, more often than not, actually determined by the dog’s need to be walked . . . Jalan finds it less disturbing to unchain me than to wake enough to walk the dog herself.

That’s my night, almost every night. I love my life.

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2012 in Daily Life

 

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A morning in the life of a pet (NSFW text)

I wake up early most mornings. I’m not allowed electronics before 5:30am, as part of good sleep hygiene, so most days I doze until sometime between 5:30 and 6:30.

If the chain configuration of the night lets me reach my computer, which is most of the time, I then pick it up and start dawdling online (though typing is often a challenge). I’m striving toward recovery from workaholism, so I’m also not allowed to do work- or finance-related activities until at least 6:30. Thus, the first hour or so is recreational — checking social networking, online games, tumblr erotica, etc. After 6:30, I check bank balances, online work, and so forth.

The night before, Jalan will have given me a wake-up time; most often 7am. That is the time I am to wake her, though I also have instruction to wake her earlier for my bathroom needs or any kind of distress. Given how early I go to bed, the former usually kicks in before 7 and I have to ask to be released. She may or may not rebind me when I return — she is more likely to if it’s the middle of the night.

After I am out of bed, I make her tea and then my coffee. More often than not, she is not ready to be awake at 7, either, so I am on my own for awhile, which involves some combination of breakfast, online “rounds,” and sometimes something streaming with headphones (we have a few of the online services, as cost-effective entertainment options).

Speaking of, time to wake her . . . more parts of the day later.

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2012 in Daily Life

 

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More on denial (day 10, explicit NSFW text)

do have some things to say on other elements, but the way Jalan is handling this is a new experience for me, getting at one of my core kinks in a very powerful way. So it’s on my mind.

“You may come to see the belt as a mercy.”

That was 6 days ago. Still without relief, since the 26th of February, though I did get one night belted (and she was right, now it is “get” a night belted). Not only no relief, but much active teasing and edging. I was traveling part of last week, which actually helped. Normally, lonely hotel rooms leave me wanting to masturbate — but, while that was true, it was much less so than with Jalan’s active role in making it more urgent.

I’m also traveling this week, and she’s done a few things to keep it from being a help! First, Saturday night, she closed the potential loophole a new Sunday would bring. The default rule is no longer masturbating once per week, but now only by permission. That means no more chance to do so on Sunday morning before a new limit comes in.

Sunday, I contemplated asking permission — no denial declaration had come down for this week. I was not afraid of being told ‘no,’ but I was more afraid of being told that I would have to edge myself. Prophetic, as it turned out, even though I did not ask.

That evening, she tied me in a partial suspension that included many of my favorite ingredients, and that left me bound, gagged, blindfolded, and entirely helpless (I should say that first, she “fed” — had me make sure, at some length, that she is not the one denied). Then proceeded with the edging, to the point I was, for lack of a better term, dripping. Which is nothing at all like an orgasm from my side! Jalan then explained that she wanted me more aware of the denial and her control on this week’s trip. I would/will have exactly one orgasm this week. It will be while on the trip, and it will be at her explicit direction. I will also, I’m informed, get practice edging myself.

She’s good to me.

 

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New chastity dilemma (explicit NSFW text)

Note: This is more explicit than most of my posts here, but I think will be of interest to the chastity crowd.

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By way of background, the standing rule for me is to masturbate exactly once per week. Jalan modifies this rule each Sunday as she sees fit, but that’s the base. There are accommodations for when I’m in the chastity belt, but that’s not important for this post. Usually, there’s also a fair bit of mutual sexual activity. Also by way of background, I’m typically slow to orgasm — when we have sex, she’s way ahead of me most of the time (this is not a problem for either of us).

Last night was a new twist. Jalan had done some teasing, then we had sex, but I hadn’t cum. She’d declared she was “ok with that” and started getting out the chains — I sleep chained every night. I was pretty sure at this point I wouldn’t be masturbating that night, but I didn’t know whether it would be by physical restriction or weekly rule declaration, being Sunday night.

She had me  test the physical restriction as the chains got more elaborate, but I could still reach — it’s fairly challenging to completely prevent reaching myself and still leave me comfortable enough to get a decent sleep. She then laid down the twist: “If you masturbate tonight, you won’t cum again this week.” Dilemma! But not much of one — I’ve wanted to experiment with full chastity, beyond just masturbation rules but also applying to handjobs or sex. I guess I’ll find out what it’s like, because, after a (very) brief internal debate, I reached down and came pretty quickly. Getting to sleep was a bit of a challenge as my mind raced with implications.

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2012 in General / Overhead, Uncategorized

 

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