Tag Archives: Chastity

Chastity, chastity belts, and denial

New territory (for me) in chastity

As I write, I am on Day 9 of being continuously locked in my chastity belt. Jalan has denied me orgasm for longer periods than this (though not dramatically so), but it is by far my longest time physically belted to date, and we’re both enjoying the unfolding of my reactions to it.

One of the changes that led to this is a modification in how it’s put on that makes it easier for me to stay clean. Previously, 3-4 days was the maximum before it would at least need to come off long enough for it and my bits to be cleaned, or the smell would become noticeable. Now, on Day 9, that apparently is no longer a factor. Like most developments in chastity, that is at best a mixed blessing! (Not really — as in most domains, anything that leaves the control to Jalan’s decisions rather than to outside factors is a good thing for us.)

So, new territory. One of the reasons Jalan hasn’t used the belt a lot to date is that she tends to prefer my reactions to simple ordered denial. More often than not, when I’m in the belt, my libido evaporates pretty quickly. No masturbation or orgasm becomes a fact of life, and I accommodate it. Jalan does have options such as teasing through the bars of the cage to keep my head in the game — HA! — but it’s not the same. In other forms of denial, though, it’s much more about my willingness — nay, my drive — to obey her. The fact that I’m obeying her by choice is much more salient more of the time, making it much tougher for me to comply than it is to simply endure the belt. And she sees the aim of chastity/denial as to keep me in a “near-constant state of desire.” I think of it as a difference between submission and bondage more generally. Her leaving things so I must stay in place is different than her ordering me to stay in place. They push different buttons in me.

And Jalan is all about knowing how to push my buttons.

This time is different, though, as the days wear on. As I wrote in my required journal on Saturday:

Since I’ve now been belted for 7 full days, with no reason to expect that  to end anytime soon, the asexual period is passing and I’m now going into full futile-guesswork overdrive.

She laughed.

And it’s true — my feeling of restriction is growing as the days go on, rather than accommodating.

I read a lot of writing by the long-term male-chastity crowd, both wearers and keyholders. We’re not that, and I don’t expect (or particularly want) us to ever be. Among other reasons, she wants me always on the edge of thinking/hoping that this might be the day I get to come.Both denial and the belt are parts of her repertoire.

One of the key parts of our D/s is that she likes/needs to know what reactions different tactics draw from me, so that she can, well, play me like a fiddle.

It works well for us.


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Posted by on February 18, 2013 in Chastity and denial


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The meaning of having control (NSFW text)

With respect to the latest round of chastity, among other domains, Jalan has  realized she sometimes prefers being able to operate in such areas on her whim, versus locking herself  (NPI) into a plan. I need both structure and surprises, so this works for me. I.e., if she set a 10-day denial, and were to change her mind on day 3, that would not work for me mentally. Making herself wait until day 10 may be undesirable for her.

So by just locking the belt when she feels like it and not making declarations, she keeps herself in control and holds the options (with the keys!), and keeps me guessing and off-balance. This works for both of us. It won’t be the only way as she experiments, as sometimes a declaration (e.g., “at least XX days”) might suit her goals on a given occasion.

It’s not just in the chastity domain. For example, if she’s got heavier play in mind for when she comes home in the evening, she may not be sure I’ll be physically and emotionally up for the scene without checking with me (she could do it even if I’m not, of course, but it could be distressing for me in a bad way, and there are things we don’t casually risk without careful monitoring). So we’ve been sorting out ways for her to get the information she needs without contacting me to ask if I feel up to XXX. The latter would put the decision on the wrong side — she doesn’t need nor want to ask permission, but she does need information. Given health issues on my side, it’s a subtle problem.

That said, the fact that we both think so much about these issues is part of why we are so good together.


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My “want” (NSFW text)

Jalan locked my chastity belt on me a week ago. It’s been off a couple of times for cleaning, once for a brief torment via coitus interruptus, and once to tend a minor cut. But not for my fun or freedom.

This is not the longest period she’s required me to go without masturbation or orgasm, though it might be the longest period using the physical belt (verifying would take some homework, but I haven’t had a fully functional and effective belt all that long).

Last night, Jalan talked about appreciating the denial — whether ordered or physically enforced — in that after a few days she starts to feel my want. Under most circumstances, I am happy to have sex, don’t get me wrong. As is she. But I am (as fits our relationship dynamic) usually reserved about asking or asserting the desire. My sexual activity is primarily a function of her mood, not mine, and that’s the way we like it.

However, after around 5 days or a week in chastity and denial, I am . . . not vocal or demanding, but . . . visibly eager with the prospect of sexual activity, even if it won’t lead to my own orgasm.

As I’ve written before, Jalan feels her dominance most, and feels most in control, when I am off balance, not on an even keel. This is one way we both love to get me there, and she sometimes finds it worth denying her own passing desires that might result in my orgasm before she’s accomplished the longer-term goal.

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Posted by on July 17, 2012 in Chastity and denial, D/s


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Belonging to her (NSFW text)

We were lying in bed, snuggling, when I realized I was wearing:

  • My 24/7 collar
  • A play collar and leash
  • My chastity belt
  • My wedding ring
  • Nothing else

The belt and both collars locked on.

I think I’m owned . . . in the best possible sense.

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Posted by on July 15, 2012 in Chastity and denial, D/s


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Reactions to chastity (NSFW text)

As noted in the sex blog, I’m back in the chastity belt. Jalan had me put it on Tuesday night, after more than three months of its disuse.

One of the effects of the use of the long gap is a very different reaction to it. Some of it is purely based on the 24-hour wearing — sweating and itching a bit against the silicone liner. Ah, the sacrifice. But the other is a bit different. In the past, after the first 12-24 hours in the belt at a stretch, I often have gone into an asexual mode. The need to be out and sexual doesn’t really strike, except when there’s direct teasing going on (fingernails through the bars, mmmmm). This has not been that way.

The belt is comfortable enough that I’m not constantly aware of it when doing thing like working at the computer, but anything sexual — well, I’m reminded again by the pressure against the bars! This, I know, is much more the effect Jalan wants from it — as do I, truth be told. Bondage I’m not paying attention to hardly counts.

The rule is to be let out at least for cleaning no less often than every third day. But nothing says I won’t be going right back in if she chooses.

I love my life.

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Posted by on July 12, 2012 in Chastity and denial



“I have decided that you will not . . .” (explicit NSFW text)

What I’d been hoping and dreading (in the “be careful what you wish for” sense) happened yesterday. Jalan had me strung up in a partial suspension, blindfolded and gagged. She talked about loving seeing me off-balance, which she means in more ways than one. That she feels her dominance when she pushes me — again, in more ways than one.

That it’s harder to get me than some men to the point where we both know, viscerally, that I have yielded. Not because of a high pain threshold. I’m no masochist. But because some of the tools she’s worked with in the past operate by setting up the planning and anticipating in the submissive partner. But I am already doing that all the time. For her to feel me yield, no matter what I say and do for her, requires a different kind of push.

She took off the blindfold, but left the ring gag in.  She explained these things to me. Then:

 I have decided that you will not come again until I can feel your need for it. Not just your want for it. And I don’t know when that will be.

I’d seen some of this coming. I’d been bound for awhile (comfortably and safely, not the suspension, nor gagged) while she showered. I could hear enough to be pretty sure that whatever else happened during this scene, I would not be the one getting off. And the issue of denial had been circling our conversations and aims for a few weeks. I do my best not to be demanding, but we still have channels by which I am permitted to communicate such desires. And she can read me like a book to begin with.

But the ride has begun.

Thank you, Ma’am. I do love you.

#chastity #denial


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Chastity rules and the MU (explicit NSFW text)

Male chastity has been a fascination of mine ever since I learned devices for men existed, maybe a decade ago. Female chastity has been a fascination even longer. Even aside from devices, masturbation and/or orgasm control has been a major kink since I discovered I enjoyed D/s, also maybe a decade ago.

It was not a big thing for Jalan before we got together, but she’s come to appreciate its effect on me! After many years, many attempts, and way too much money, I got an effective belt last Fall. As mentioned previously, it’s a custom-fit metal cage welded onto a locking belt. It’s completely unremovable by me and completely effective at preventing masturbation. Unfortunately, I live in a warm region and sweat a lot, so 3 days is about the limit of wear at one go, despite my best cleaning efforts. We’ve also experimented with periods of denial (up to two weeks at the last go-round) without the belt.

These are the core of the rules:

  • My rules for masturbation are set every Sunday. They default to the previous week’s.
  • I keep a journal of when I masturbate, as well as when I want to but don’t due to the rules or due to the device, which I submit Sunday morning.
  • The current rules are to masturbate exactly three times per week. This sets up the dual dilemma of restriction and requirement, meaning the need for some strategizing. The number of what I call “Masturbation Units” (MUs) has sometimes been one. Other weeks it’s been by specific permission only.
  • There are accommodations for when the belt prevents reaching my quota.
  • When I am belted, she will remove the belt at least every three days for cleaning (both of it and of me). It might go right back on, in which case, masturbation during the cleaning is prohibited.

We have not yet spent a lot of time with me in the belt, in part because we’re still fine-tuning the physical side of it to prevent sores from rubbing and so forth. But it’s always there, and I never know when it’s going to be brought out. Most of the occasions on which it’s been on, it has been the full three days.

One thing that’s easily seen in this is that we’re not a long-time-denial couple. In part, this is because she enjoys sex with me, including the kinds that are not possible with the belt. In turn, I’m fascinated with the idea of my wearing a strap-on, including the strap-on gags that are popular these days. But for me, denial works best when there is hope. For example, we both love hand-jobs. But I also love not knowing whether she’s just going to edge me (at which she is expert) or let me come. And I do a great job of the mindfuck on myself with this.

At this time, I am preparing for a week-long trip away. Last night, during one of these slow hand-jobs, we observed that: (a) it was Saturday night, so the rules could change soon; and (b) I was going to be away, so any change wouldn’t result in her being denied (into which she very definitely is not). She then capped it by letting me know that I was not to take advantage of the loophole, by which I could masturbate sometime after midnight Saturday night before new, more restrictive, rules might come down. Then she stopped and said “good night.”

I love my life, and I love my wife.


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More on denial (day 10, explicit NSFW text)

do have some things to say on other elements, but the way Jalan is handling this is a new experience for me, getting at one of my core kinks in a very powerful way. So it’s on my mind.

“You may come to see the belt as a mercy.”

That was 6 days ago. Still without relief, since the 26th of February, though I did get one night belted (and she was right, now it is “get” a night belted). Not only no relief, but much active teasing and edging. I was traveling part of last week, which actually helped. Normally, lonely hotel rooms leave me wanting to masturbate — but, while that was true, it was much less so than with Jalan’s active role in making it more urgent.

I’m also traveling this week, and she’s done a few things to keep it from being a help! First, Saturday night, she closed the potential loophole a new Sunday would bring. The default rule is no longer masturbating once per week, but now only by permission. That means no more chance to do so on Sunday morning before a new limit comes in.

Sunday, I contemplated asking permission — no denial declaration had come down for this week. I was not afraid of being told ‘no,’ but I was more afraid of being told that I would have to edge myself. Prophetic, as it turned out, even though I did not ask.

That evening, she tied me in a partial suspension that included many of my favorite ingredients, and that left me bound, gagged, blindfolded, and entirely helpless (I should say that first, she “fed” — had me make sure, at some length, that she is not the one denied). Then proceeded with the edging, to the point I was, for lack of a better term, dripping. Which is nothing at all like an orgasm from my side! Jalan then explained that she wanted me more aware of the denial and her control on this week’s trip. I would/will have exactly one orgasm this week. It will be while on the trip, and it will be at her explicit direction. I will also, I’m informed, get practice edging myself.

She’s good to me.


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Some implications on chastity/denial (explicit NSFW text)

You have been warned. There’s some semi-explicit narrative, but also some general perspective further down on how chastity/denial works for me.




Sunday night, as previously posted, I had taken the offer to be able to masturbate on the terms that that would be the only time I’d cum this week. I knew I’d be in for a terribly delightful and delightfully terrible week one way or the other — as Jalan is fond of saying, my denial is not her denial.

This became exceedingly clear last night. Now, to be sure, I’m generally a quite attentive lover, and good with my hands, even aside from chastity hardware or restrictions. And I am happy to oblige her, either as requested/required, or on my own initiative. All that said, I also realized, to my thrill and horror, that my slowness described before meant she could take even more advantage of my predicament — as long as I alerted her when I was getting close. The chastity/denial crowd knows this as edging, and the slowness makes me an especially vulnerable target of it.

So we proceeded to have a good time — especially her — and had a talk about how this was going (granted, after just one night). In particular, Jalan stressed how much she was enjoying this twist — with the express implication that this week may not be the end of the regimen. It is, of course, entirely up to her. Which is the point.

Now the pontificating, in part based on last night’s conversation, but in part on months of discussion and decades of kink. In all of my power-dynamic relationships, whether as dominant or submissive, the D’s control over the s’s sexuality has been extremely important to me — masturbation restrictions, orgasm control, physical devices/belts, teasing/delay/denial, etc. As I am submissive to Jalan, I’ll focus on the s perspective for the rest of his.

To me, giving over control of my sexuality is one of the most potent (there will be lots of accidental puns, please ignore) forms of submission. Yes, I’m obedient. Yes, I’m respectful. Yes, I love to do things to help and please my partner. But sexuality is just so primal that having a dominant control mine means she controls the expression of that very basic drive. In general with restrictions, more so with the belt, and all the more so the past 48 hours, I’m constantly aware that I have given up something that’s a basic biological imperative.

Now, Jalan has taken that full control. Not only may I not masturbate, but I may not cum, even when we’re having sex. And it’s not a matter of controlling the orgasm and only cumming when she permits, it’s full denial. She has said I will not have an orgasm the rest of this week — and I know she will not change her mind on this. There is no hope this week. And she most definitely has not said, nor have I asked, what next week’s rule will be. Or the week after that. The more she enjoys my predicament, without herself feeling denied, the longer this could go. It’s completely out of my hands. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jalan owns me completely. Head to toe, and everything in between.

An aside: I asked her later last night what the rule would have been if I had not taken the offer to masturbate. She said she had not fully decided, but it would probably have been either the same (no orgasm for the week) or the other extreme (several orgasms or, as physiology permitted, masturbation sessions required each day).

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Posted by on February 28, 2012 in General / Overhead, Uncategorized


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New chastity dilemma (explicit NSFW text)

Note: This is more explicit than most of my posts here, but I think will be of interest to the chastity crowd.




By way of background, the standing rule for me is to masturbate exactly once per week. Jalan modifies this rule each Sunday as she sees fit, but that’s the base. There are accommodations for when I’m in the chastity belt, but that’s not important for this post. Usually, there’s also a fair bit of mutual sexual activity. Also by way of background, I’m typically slow to orgasm — when we have sex, she’s way ahead of me most of the time (this is not a problem for either of us).

Last night was a new twist. Jalan had done some teasing, then we had sex, but I hadn’t cum. She’d declared she was “ok with that” and started getting out the chains — I sleep chained every night. I was pretty sure at this point I wouldn’t be masturbating that night, but I didn’t know whether it would be by physical restriction or weekly rule declaration, being Sunday night.

She had me  test the physical restriction as the chains got more elaborate, but I could still reach — it’s fairly challenging to completely prevent reaching myself and still leave me comfortable enough to get a decent sleep. She then laid down the twist: “If you masturbate tonight, you won’t cum again this week.” Dilemma! But not much of one — I’ve wanted to experiment with full chastity, beyond just masturbation rules but also applying to handjobs or sex. I guess I’ll find out what it’s like, because, after a (very) brief internal debate, I reached down and came pretty quickly. Getting to sleep was a bit of a challenge as my mind raced with implications.

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Posted by on February 27, 2012 in General / Overhead, Uncategorized


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