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Tag Archives: Chastity

Chastity, chastity belts, and denial

New territory (for me) in chastity

As I write, I am on Day 9 of being continuously locked in my chastity belt. Jalan has denied me orgasm for longer periods than this (though not dramatically so), but it is by far my longest time physically belted to date, and we’re both enjoying the unfolding of my reactions to it.

One of the changes that led to this is a modification in how it’s put on that makes it easier for me to stay clean. Previously, 3-4 days was the maximum before it would at least need to come off long enough for it and my bits to be cleaned, or the smell would become noticeable. Now, on Day 9, that apparently is no longer a factor. Like most developments in chastity, that is at best a mixed blessing! (Not really — as in most domains, anything that leaves the control to Jalan’s decisions rather than to outside factors is a good thing for us.)

So, new territory. One of the reasons Jalan hasn’t used the belt a lot to date is that she tends to prefer my reactions to simple ordered denial. More often than not, when I’m in the belt, my libido evaporates pretty quickly. No masturbation or orgasm becomes a fact of life, and I accommodate it. Jalan does have options such as teasing through the bars of the cage to keep my head in the game — HA! — but it’s not the same. In other forms of denial, though, it’s much more about my willingness — nay, my drive — to obey her. The fact that I’m obeying her by choice is much more salient more of the time, making it much tougher for me to comply than it is to simply endure the belt. And she sees the aim of chastity/denial as to keep me in a “near-constant state of desire.” I think of it as a difference between submission and bondage more generally. Her leaving things so I must stay in place is different than her ordering me to stay in place. They push different buttons in me.

And Jalan is all about knowing how to push my buttons.

This time is different, though, as the days wear on. As I wrote in my required journal on Saturday:

Since I’ve now been belted for 7 full days, with no reason to expect that  to end anytime soon, the asexual period is passing and I’m now going into full futile-guesswork overdrive.

She laughed.

And it’s true — my feeling of restriction is growing as the days go on, rather than accommodating.

I read a lot of writing by the long-term male-chastity crowd, both wearers and keyholders. We’re not that, and I don’t expect (or particularly want) us to ever be. Among other reasons, she wants me always on the edge of thinking/hoping that this might be the day I get to come.Both denial and the belt are parts of her repertoire.

One of the key parts of our D/s is that she likes/needs to know what reactions different tactics draw from me, so that she can, well, play me like a fiddle.

It works well for us.

 

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2013 in Chastity and denial

 

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The meaning of having control (NSFW text)

With respect to the latest round of chastity, among other domains, Jalan has  realized she sometimes prefers being able to operate in such areas on her whim, versus locking herself  (NPI) into a plan. I need both structure and surprises, so this works for me. I.e., if she set a 10-day denial, and were to change her mind on day 3, that would not work for me mentally. Making herself wait until day 10 may be undesirable for her.

So by just locking the belt when she feels like it and not making declarations, she keeps herself in control and holds the options (with the keys!), and keeps me guessing and off-balance. This works for both of us. It won’t be the only way as she experiments, as sometimes a declaration (e.g., “at least XX days”) might suit her goals on a given occasion.

It’s not just in the chastity domain. For example, if she’s got heavier play in mind for when she comes home in the evening, she may not be sure I’ll be physically and emotionally up for the scene without checking with me (she could do it even if I’m not, of course, but it could be distressing for me in a bad way, and there are things we don’t casually risk without careful monitoring). So we’ve been sorting out ways for her to get the information she needs without contacting me to ask if I feel up to XXX. The latter would put the decision on the wrong side — she doesn’t need nor want to ask permission, but she does need information. Given health issues on my side, it’s a subtle problem.

That said, the fact that we both think so much about these issues is part of why we are so good together.

 

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My “want” (NSFW text)

Jalan locked my chastity belt on me a week ago. It’s been off a couple of times for cleaning, once for a brief torment via coitus interruptus, and once to tend a minor cut. But not for my fun or freedom.

This is not the longest period she’s required me to go without masturbation or orgasm, though it might be the longest period using the physical belt (verifying would take some homework, but I haven’t had a fully functional and effective belt all that long).

Last night, Jalan talked about appreciating the denial — whether ordered or physically enforced — in that after a few days she starts to feel my want. Under most circumstances, I am happy to have sex, don’t get me wrong. As is she. But I am (as fits our relationship dynamic) usually reserved about asking or asserting the desire. My sexual activity is primarily a function of her mood, not mine, and that’s the way we like it.

However, after around 5 days or a week in chastity and denial, I am . . . not vocal or demanding, but . . . visibly eager with the prospect of sexual activity, even if it won’t lead to my own orgasm.

As I’ve written before, Jalan feels her dominance most, and feels most in control, when I am off balance, not on an even keel. This is one way we both love to get me there, and she sometimes finds it worth denying her own passing desires that might result in my orgasm before she’s accomplished the longer-term goal.

 
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Posted by on July 17, 2012 in Chastity and denial, D/s

 

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Belonging to her (NSFW text)

We were lying in bed, snuggling, when I realized I was wearing:

  • My 24/7 collar
  • A play collar and leash
  • My chastity belt
  • My wedding ring
  • Nothing else

The belt and both collars locked on.

I think I’m owned . . . in the best possible sense.

 
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Posted by on July 15, 2012 in Chastity and denial, D/s

 

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Reactions to chastity (NSFW text)

As noted in the sex blog, I’m back in the chastity belt. Jalan had me put it on Tuesday night, after more than three months of its disuse.

One of the effects of the use of the long gap is a very different reaction to it. Some of it is purely based on the 24-hour wearing — sweating and itching a bit against the silicone liner. Ah, the sacrifice. But the other is a bit different. In the past, after the first 12-24 hours in the belt at a stretch, I often have gone into an asexual mode. The need to be out and sexual doesn’t really strike, except when there’s direct teasing going on (fingernails through the bars, mmmmm). This has not been that way.

The belt is comfortable enough that I’m not constantly aware of it when doing thing like working at the computer, but anything sexual — well, I’m reminded again by the pressure against the bars! This, I know, is much more the effect Jalan wants from it — as do I, truth be told. Bondage I’m not paying attention to hardly counts.

The rule is to be let out at least for cleaning no less often than every third day. But nothing says I won’t be going right back in if she chooses.

I love my life.

 
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Posted by on July 12, 2012 in Chastity and denial

 

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“I have decided that you will not . . .” (explicit NSFW text)

What I’d been hoping and dreading (in the “be careful what you wish for” sense) happened yesterday. Jalan had me strung up in a partial suspension, blindfolded and gagged. She talked about loving seeing me off-balance, which she means in more ways than one. That she feels her dominance when she pushes me — again, in more ways than one.

That it’s harder to get me than some men to the point where we both know, viscerally, that I have yielded. Not because of a high pain threshold. I’m no masochist. But because some of the tools she’s worked with in the past operate by setting up the planning and anticipating in the submissive partner. But I am already doing that all the time. For her to feel me yield, no matter what I say and do for her, requires a different kind of push.

She took off the blindfold, but left the ring gag in.  She explained these things to me. Then:

 I have decided that you will not come again until I can feel your need for it. Not just your want for it. And I don’t know when that will be.

I’d seen some of this coming. I’d been bound for awhile (comfortably and safely, not the suspension, nor gagged) while she showered. I could hear enough to be pretty sure that whatever else happened during this scene, I would not be the one getting off. And the issue of denial had been circling our conversations and aims for a few weeks. I do my best not to be demanding, but we still have channels by which I am permitted to communicate such desires. And she can read me like a book to begin with.

But the ride has begun.

Thank you, Ma’am. I do love you.

#chastity #denial

 

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Chastity rules and the MU (explicit NSFW text)

Male chastity has been a fascination of mine ever since I learned devices for men existed, maybe a decade ago. Female chastity has been a fascination even longer. Even aside from devices, masturbation and/or orgasm control has been a major kink since I discovered I enjoyed D/s, also maybe a decade ago.

It was not a big thing for Jalan before we got together, but she’s come to appreciate its effect on me! After many years, many attempts, and way too much money, I got an effective belt last Fall. As mentioned previously, it’s a custom-fit metal cage welded onto a locking belt. It’s completely unremovable by me and completely effective at preventing masturbation. Unfortunately, I live in a warm region and sweat a lot, so 3 days is about the limit of wear at one go, despite my best cleaning efforts. We’ve also experimented with periods of denial (up to two weeks at the last go-round) without the belt.

These are the core of the rules:

  • My rules for masturbation are set every Sunday. They default to the previous week’s.
  • I keep a journal of when I masturbate, as well as when I want to but don’t due to the rules or due to the device, which I submit Sunday morning.
  • The current rules are to masturbate exactly three times per week. This sets up the dual dilemma of restriction and requirement, meaning the need for some strategizing. The number of what I call “Masturbation Units” (MUs) has sometimes been one. Other weeks it’s been by specific permission only.
  • There are accommodations for when the belt prevents reaching my quota.
  • When I am belted, she will remove the belt at least every three days for cleaning (both of it and of me). It might go right back on, in which case, masturbation during the cleaning is prohibited.

We have not yet spent a lot of time with me in the belt, in part because we’re still fine-tuning the physical side of it to prevent sores from rubbing and so forth. But it’s always there, and I never know when it’s going to be brought out. Most of the occasions on which it’s been on, it has been the full three days.

One thing that’s easily seen in this is that we’re not a long-time-denial couple. In part, this is because she enjoys sex with me, including the kinds that are not possible with the belt. In turn, I’m fascinated with the idea of my wearing a strap-on, including the strap-on gags that are popular these days. But for me, denial works best when there is hope. For example, we both love hand-jobs. But I also love not knowing whether she’s just going to edge me (at which she is expert) or let me come. And I do a great job of the mindfuck on myself with this.

At this time, I am preparing for a week-long trip away. Last night, during one of these slow hand-jobs, we observed that: (a) it was Saturday night, so the rules could change soon; and (b) I was going to be away, so any change wouldn’t result in her being denied (into which she very definitely is not). She then capped it by letting me know that I was not to take advantage of the loophole, by which I could masturbate sometime after midnight Saturday night before new, more restrictive, rules might come down. Then she stopped and said “good night.”

I love my life, and I love my wife.

 

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