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The usual pattern (NSFW text)

19 Feb

The title refers to my usual way about blogging. A burst of activity, then ever-increasing gaps in posting frequency. So it goes.

It’s been a highly eventful couple of weeks. On the vanilla side, the work review is still percolating through the system, but I got positive initial feedback — one of the major potential barriers is past. I’ve also pretty much caught up on the work stuff that was pushed back while meeting the last major deadline. In sum, I’m in pretty good shape there.

Other vanilla stuff  is coming along nicely, too — wedding plans are nearly fixed, though even a tiny wedding is very expensive. We’ll make it work. We’re also setting up the consolidation of physical households, which will happen before the wedding itself. Events proceed apace.

Awright — time for the kink. One of the things we’ve talked about much lately is the terminology we use. This discussion was sparked in part by on-line discussions we saw on Fetlife, and by our reading Power Circuits by Raven Kaldera, a well-written and well-considered book on polyamory in power-exchange relationships.

My preferred metaphor is “owner/pet,” which, as we practice it, we consider a form of D/s (dominant/submissive). However, our day-to-day life is not much distinguishable from what some M/s (master/slave) couples have. Without getting too far into the lexical weeds, we work within the D/s language. This may have to do with our both being switches (in play — Jalan is always relationally dominant), but I prefer submissive (rooted in a verb) to slave (a noun) for myself.

Another aspect of our relationship that is central to us is that we take care of each other. Jalan has had a bad couple of days, and I shifted into a caregiving mode. One key element, though, is that I did that by being more assertive without challenging her dominance. I started recommending courses of action, but always left the decision to her. This supports her in a time when she isn’t feeling up to generating the whole plan, but — again — still respecting her as my dominant and owner. We spent yesterday gaffiating and came back to her directing me to top her. I do this occasionally, and last night was one of the times being aggressive in scene had come most easily — I think because I’d been in a caregiving frame and this was part of it. It works well for us.

Ok, time to wake up my lady.

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2012 in Daily Life

 

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