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Taking the time (NSFW text)

23 May

A bit of stream-of-consciousness here. It’s a blog read by a handful of people on a good day, to which I post twice in a good week. What is it for but self-indulgence?

Some of the things I want to write about:

* Topping Jalan (I did recently, at her instruction).

* My masturbation and chastity protocols and rules, feelings, and devices.

* Particularly fun scenes Jalan and I have, or simple pleasures.

*  The way in which — when things are going well — most of our life together is our sex life.

Tonight I am taking the time to write about taking the time.

Since I personally entered the laptop era, some number of years ago, I’ve developed some good habits, some bad habits, and some habits of debatable merit. I mean that literally: their merit is debatable, not clearly present or absent.

I have a small flaw in my character. I multitask to ridiculous levels. When I have the laptop out, in any given fifteen-minute stretch, I’ve usually done some work, checked e-mail, done something finance-related, read news and blogs, and surfed porn. Other times, I really get carried away.

This has pros and cons, but one of the cons is that it’s hard for Jalan (or me, for that matter) to tell whether an interruption for “couple time” would be welcome, accepted, or resented. Usually it’s at least accepted. But sometimes I really am working hard on something that requires focus, or sometimes I’m focused obsessively on something else that isn’t work.

Don’t get me wrong: Jalan is in charge. If she directs me to close the computer and come for The Snuggle, or The Footrub, or whatever may be, I will, and will do my best to do so with good grace. But I mostly work from home, and she respects my needs to do my job. So the lack of cues from me — even when she can see me flipping through windows — makes it hard for her to know when I’m ok with, or even happy about, an interruption.

We’ve been in a bit of rut (and not the fun kind) for a couple of weeks, in part related to my having a major work deadline, and in part due to other things, some of which are hers to share if she chooses and not mine. Last night we had a long talk about it.

One of our past rituals has been my bringing her breakfast in the morning. I wrote about this recently in one of the “life as a pet” posts. But in recent weeks, her schedule has been such that she can sleep in — and often does so for some hours after I am awake. This is not itself a problem, but it means there is no explicit cue for when breakfast and tea should be ready. On her side, there is no explicit cue as to whether I, having been up for awhile, am in my workday mode.

So, being the type of couple we are, we have been brainstorming about how to get back that ritual. The breakfast itself is not the important part (even if it is the most important meal of the day), but the service and the connection time are. So one of the tactics we are trying out is for me to watch or ask outright for when she is awake enough to want breakfast, get to a stopping point, and bring it to her and sit with her while she eats. Togetherness and connection are the keys. Our goal (and, until recently, practice) is to start the day and the day with talking and touch. And frequently sex :-).

Jalan has not adjusted the rules for the morning routine. It is her way to try different things and see how they work before putting them into the rules (we have a website), and they are still malleable (by her, sometimes at my suggestion). But we are in the testing stage.

Bringing this long post to a close: Breakfast is an example. The point is that we problem-solve. As partners. Our partnership is asymmetric, but no less for that it is a product of us working together and sharing common goals and values. It is how we are building a life together.

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2012 in Daily Life

 

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