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The meaning of having control (NSFW text)

21 Jul

With respect to the latest round of chastity, among other domains, Jalan has  realized she sometimes prefers being able to operate in such areas on her whim, versus locking herself  (NPI) into a plan. I need both structure and surprises, so this works for me. I.e., if she set a 10-day denial, and were to change her mind on day 3, that would not work for me mentally. Making herself wait until day 10 may be undesirable for her.

So by just locking the belt when she feels like it and not making declarations, she keeps herself in control and holds the options (with the keys!), and keeps me guessing and off-balance. This works for both of us. It won’t be the only way as she experiments, as sometimes a declaration (e.g., “at least XX days”) might suit her goals on a given occasion.

It’s not just in the chastity domain. For example, if she’s got heavier play in mind for when she comes home in the evening, she may not be sure I’ll be physically and emotionally up for the scene without checking with me (she could do it even if I’m not, of course, but it could be distressing for me in a bad way, and there are things we don’t casually risk without careful monitoring). So we’ve been sorting out ways for her to get the information she needs without contacting me to ask if I feel up to XXX. The latter would put the decision on the wrong side — she doesn’t need nor want to ask permission, but she does need information. Given health issues on my side, it’s a subtle problem.

That said, the fact that we both think so much about these issues is part of why we are so good together.

 

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Any and all thoughts welcome

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