Hey-la, hey-la, my libido’s back!
After two months AWOL, my libido — meaning interest in sex, play, playful sex, and passive bondage time — suddenly re-appeared last week, to the delight of both me and Jalan. I’m not feeling any better physically than I have for those two months, but the drive returned.
One issue in the AWOL period is that Jalan’s been reluctant to initiate anything without knowing in advance that I’m physically capable of it. She is not the one in our relationship to be asking permissions. And without my libido, it’s been rare/difficult for me to want to initiate. So there’s been, by our standards, near-celibacy.
Last night, I was talking about things I’d enjoy, she was talking about thing she’d enjoy, and we were discussing ways to get around the “permission” obstacle. For example, looking for sexytime in the mornings, when I’m likely to have more energy; also, for me to voluntarily declare readiness without (usually) making specific requests (or, of course, ever making demands). There are other accommodations: As much as I love chastity/denial, a period of it would — aside from depriving Jalan after doing mostly without for so long already — risk sending my libido back into hiding.
But among the things I mentioned in this conversation — and [SPOILER] here’s the be careful what you wish for part of this post — was ruined orgasms or extended teasing. The conversation moved on, but I did volunteer before we slept that I felt up to something physical. Her response was something like, “Alright!”
Background: I’d also asked for more than the usual minimal overnight bondage last night. I was accustomed to much more than we’ve been doing recently, which has been a simple chain tether between the bed and one rist, but nowadays if it’s more than minimal, I pay for it physically.
Anyway, I was already wearing my cuffs and collar. We touched and teased a bit, then she got the chains. A loop of chain went through the D-rings on both ankle cuffs and to the bed, and another, pretty short loop went through the wrist cuffs and to the head of the bed. Then Jalan got the lube and got to business.
I could tell pretty early on that she was using the rhythms and postures that we both know do more for her than for me — I don’t orgasm all that quickly from PIV, usually — so I had an inkling what was coming. After she was satisfied, she rolled off, informed me that she’d loosen the chains later to reduce the physical strain, and wished me good night. Yep, got what I’d asked for. (To be fair, she’d given me a lovely handjob to orgasm about 8 hours earlier, and she did say after that she wasn’t going out of her way to deny me — just that my orgasm was not a priority on this occasion. If I got off, I got off.)
Then I remembered that I was eligible to masturbate yesterday. I’m on a schedule that has me eligible no more often than every third day, and the previous had been Wednesday. Jalan has recently waived, at my request, the minimum of two per week, simply because my drive was missing and the minimum kept clear in my mind what I’d — at least temporarily — lost.
Anyway, I said something about finding out how much slack she’d left in the ankle chains and started contorting. Yep, I could just reach! I stroked, reached for the silicone lube, and stroked some more.
Then the sadist that I married started gradually pulling more and more on the wrist chain, shortening my slack on that end. After much mutual laughter I gave up. Well played, Ma’am.
That’s my chance until Tuesday . . . the rules don’t care whether I ejaculate or not. But, much more importantly, we’re getting our playfulness back.