Most of the time since Jalan and I have been together, I have had a weekly quota for masturbating. Most often, exactly three. If it was a period of orgasm denial, then I still had to edge myself those three times. Under some versions, I could substitute solo anal play during a period of denial.
Last July, I asked that the quota be lifted. I was so scared, anxious, and tired with the health issues that it was demoralizing when I couldn’t get up (so to speak) the will to masturbate. Since then, the rule has been “Do as you’re told.” A handful (sorry) of times since then, she’s directed me to masturbate to orgasm. Maybe 5 or 6 times in the last 11 months.
Even when I was feeling more myself (can’t help it), though, the reconditioning had got to the point where I wasn’t even missing it / wishing for it. Which is not the goal of orgasm control in our relationship.
I’m happy to report, and Jalan is happy to hear, that I’m once again, over the last several weeks, wishing I were allowed to masturbate. I’m often waking up holding myself. Not that the rules have changed . . .