Today is day 22 since my last orgasm, which at the time triggered a three-week “sentence” of denial. This morning, we had a long conversation about keeping me in a state of ‘want’ without relying solely on denial–which is the most reliable way to keep me wanting an orgasm, but, among other concerns, can take the day-to-day control away from Jalan. Neither of us wants a situation in which she doesn’t stick to her word.
The thrust (ha!) is that orgasm control of any kind isn’t much fun for either of us unless I am aware of it as continuously as possible. And that usually is going to mean wanting to come. So we both want me to feel any deprivation or other loss of control.
Jalan told me today what we’re going to do this week and see how well it meets her goals as an ongoing plan.
In the morning, before she goes to work, she’ll write on my cock, with a Sharpie or some such. (Presumably this means I’ll start showering early, too, instead of waiting until she’s headed out.) Sometime during the day, she’ll communicate to me whether she wants the writing pristine, smudged (for example, by edging myself), or washed away by cum when she gets home. Since I’m always naked when she comes home from work, as part of our new rituals, that will also be time for inspection.
So I’ll be thinking about her control of my orgasms at least three times per day, and likely quite a few more between her leaving and her sending me the directions. And I have no assurance at all that I’ll get to come this week, until and unless I get the last of those messages.
This meets a lot of the same needs for me as “declared” denial: I know she’s actively controlling my orgasms every day, without the feeling (that neither of us likes) that there’s some default status where I get lucky if she wants me to, but it’s not necessarily on either of our minds any given day. On her side, it keeps the control right where she wants it–in her hands at all times–and keeps me keenly aware of that control and that I am at her mercy.
Then there was teasing.