Category Archives: Dragonlet

About the baby dragon!

So we did a thing today

A thing neither of us ever expected to do. We joined a church. A Christian church, at that.

I grew up Catholic, spent some years at Friends’ (Quaker) Meetings, and am agnostic. Jalan grew up evangelical conservative, rejected the narrowness of that world and especially its treatment of her as a woman, and has not sought a church since, though still identified as Christian.

I’m still agnostic. She still has a lot of history with and emotional loading about churches and especially their hierarchies. But the one we found is ok with all that.

We first learned of it when we moved to North Carolina a few years ago, and it had made the news filing a First Amendment infringement lawsuit against North Carolina’s Amendment One (“marriage shall be between a man and a woman,” etc.). We looked them up online and found the broadest, most progressive statement of inclusiveness I’ve ever seen for a Christian church, let alone in the South–it included gender identity, mental illness, and so many other things. That was enough to get us to try it.

It is a welcoming place. They’ve had an interim pastor for the last two years who happens to be lesbian. She’s formerly Southern Baptist. (I remember noticing she wore a slightly tailored cassock–gathered at the back. Then I had to figure out why that seemed strange to me. Oh, yeah, Catholic. Right.) Their most recent ministerial intern transitioned to his gender while in the role. There are same-sex couples, there are nonbinary folks. There are young and old. Families, and at least one person who has attended the church at that location since before this denomination existed. As they put it, if you think you belong with them, then they think so, too.

They are not just welcoming, they are active. They are social justice warriors (and clerics). They preach and practice the values I was taught as Christian. They’re in the neighborhoods, in the soup kitchens, and yes, in the courtrooms.

They have a new senior pastor now, and today was their first “New Member” Sunday since we started attending.

So we joined. Jalan participates. I stay respectfully quiet for the parts of the liturgy I can’t say in good faith (no pun intended). We both participate in the community of the congregation. This is the community we want #Dragonlet to grow up in.

It feels right.


Mother’s Day

For Mother’s Day, Jalan wanted to go to a local hands-on science museum with Dragonlet. (Oh, yeah, we’ve procreated since I last posted. About four months ago now.) Dragonlet’s day-care provider–“part-time nanny” would probably be more accurate while we’re her only client–takes him frequently and meets up with a play-group there, but Jalan had never been, and nor had I since my elder son was young.

We now, unsurprisingly, have a membership. It pays for itself in about three trips per year, and they’ve expanded their little-kid stuff since I’d last been. Oh, and tax deductible as an educational non-profit. One of the key benefits of a membership is that we won’t feel we have to stay long enough and do enough to get our “money’s worth” on any given trip–a real advantage with the CFS.

Jalan and I also talked today about kink. Some in the specific–I described a fantasy to her. I generally only do that when it’s not something that could happen in the moment. Partly because otherwise would feel like I’m saying I’m dissatisfied with that we are doing in the moment. It separates sharing a fantasy and a desire from topping from the bottom.

We otherwise talked about integrating play with having a child as he gets old enough that he’d notice something odd. Now, I often like being left bound for unpredictable amounts of time between interaction, but that’s a very specific kind of scene. But we’ll also still have the nanny time when Jalan is on break from work, as long as we can find the headspace during the mornings. And eventually a date-night baby-sitter. We also talked in general about possible hardpoints in the bedroom in the new place.

Oh, yeah, in addition to having a baby since I last posted, we’ve found a new rental house (same city). One of these things led to the need for the other.

But there will be more options when he’s no longer sleeping in our room, though of course he’ll still have urgent needs at unpredictable times. The master bedroom in the new place is down three concrete steps from the rest of the house, so there will be a baby gate. At least we won’t be walked in on by surprise in the first couple years!

Life is good.

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Posted by on May 14, 2017 in Daily Life, Dragonlet, Play

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