You have been warned. There’s some semi-explicit narrative, but also some general perspective further down on how chastity/denial works for me.
Sunday night, as previously posted, I had taken the offer to be able to masturbate on the terms that that would be the only time I’d cum this week. I knew I’d be in for a terribly delightful and delightfully terrible week one way or the other — as Jalan is fond of saying, my denial is not her denial.
This became exceedingly clear last night. Now, to be sure, I’m generally a quite attentive lover, and good with my hands, even aside from chastity hardware or restrictions. And I am happy to oblige her, either as requested/required, or on my own initiative. All that said, I also realized, to my thrill and horror, that my slowness described before meant she could take even more advantage of my predicament — as long as I alerted her when I was getting close. The chastity/denial crowd knows this as edging, and the slowness makes me an especially vulnerable target of it.
So we proceeded to have a good time — especially her — and had a talk about how this was going (granted, after just one night). In particular, Jalan stressed how much she was enjoying this twist — with the express implication that this week may not be the end of the regimen. It is, of course, entirely up to her. Which is the point.
Now the pontificating, in part based on last night’s conversation, but in part on months of discussion and decades of kink. In all of my power-dynamic relationships, whether as dominant or submissive, the D’s control over the s’s sexuality has been extremely important to me — masturbation restrictions, orgasm control, physical devices/belts, teasing/delay/denial, etc. As I am submissive to Jalan, I’ll focus on the s perspective for the rest of his.
To me, giving over control of my sexuality is one of the most potent (there will be lots of accidental puns, please ignore) forms of submission. Yes, I’m obedient. Yes, I’m respectful. Yes, I love to do things to help and please my partner. But sexuality is just so primal that having a dominant control mine means she controls the expression of that very basic drive. In general with restrictions, more so with the belt, and all the more so the past 48 hours, I’m constantly aware that I have given up something that’s a basic biological imperative.
Now, Jalan has taken that full control. Not only may I not masturbate, but I may not cum, even when we’re having sex. And it’s not a matter of controlling the orgasm and only cumming when she permits, it’s full denial. She has said I will not have an orgasm the rest of this week — and I know she will not change her mind on this. There is no hope this week. And she most definitely has not said, nor have I asked, what next week’s rule will be. Or the week after that. The more she enjoys my predicament, without herself feeling denied, the longer this could go. It’s completely out of my hands. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jalan owns me completely. Head to toe, and everything in between.
An aside: I asked her later last night what the rule would have been if I had not taken the offer to masturbate. She said she had not fully decided, but it would probably have been either the same (no orgasm for the week) or the other extreme (several orgasms or, as physiology permitted, masturbation sessions required each day).