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PIcking a fight with readers: Country music

Please assume I’m aware of “You Never Even Called Me by My Name.”

My long-time nominee for the perfect country & western song was George Jones’s “He Stopped Loving Her Today.”

This was superseded when I discovered Johnny Cash’s cover of “Long Black Veil.”

I argue that these approach the Platonic ideal of c/w song, but neither is my favorite..

That honor goes to Kris Kristofferson’s “Sunday Morning Coming Down” (Kris’s recording, not the Cash, Nelson, or other covers). That’s the song I most think it a bad idea to drink to.


Posted by on August 21, 2014 in General / Overhead, Uncategorized


“I have decided that you will not . . .” (explicit NSFW text)

What I’d been hoping and dreading (in the “be careful what you wish for” sense) happened yesterday. Jalan had me strung up in a partial suspension, blindfolded and gagged. She talked about loving seeing me off-balance, which she means in more ways than one. That she feels her dominance when she pushes me — again, in more ways than one.

That it’s harder to get me than some men to the point where we both know, viscerally, that I have yielded. Not because of a high pain threshold. I’m no masochist. But because some of the tools she’s worked with in the past operate by setting up the planning and anticipating in the submissive partner. But I am already doing that all the time. For her to feel me yield, no matter what I say and do for her, requires a different kind of push.

She took off the blindfold, but left the ring gag in.  She explained these things to me. Then:

 I have decided that you will not come again until I can feel your need for it. Not just your want for it. And I don’t know when that will be.

I’d seen some of this coming. I’d been bound for awhile (comfortably and safely, not the suspension, nor gagged) while she showered. I could hear enough to be pretty sure that whatever else happened during this scene, I would not be the one getting off. And the issue of denial had been circling our conversations and aims for a few weeks. I do my best not to be demanding, but we still have channels by which I am permitted to communicate such desires. And she can read me like a book to begin with.

But the ride has begun.

Thank you, Ma’am. I do love you.

#chastity #denial


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Chastity rules and the MU (explicit NSFW text)

Male chastity has been a fascination of mine ever since I learned devices for men existed, maybe a decade ago. Female chastity has been a fascination even longer. Even aside from devices, masturbation and/or orgasm control has been a major kink since I discovered I enjoyed D/s, also maybe a decade ago.

It was not a big thing for Jalan before we got together, but she’s come to appreciate its effect on me! After many years, many attempts, and way too much money, I got an effective belt last Fall. As mentioned previously, it’s a custom-fit metal cage welded onto a locking belt. It’s completely unremovable by me and completely effective at preventing masturbation. Unfortunately, I live in a warm region and sweat a lot, so 3 days is about the limit of wear at one go, despite my best cleaning efforts. We’ve also experimented with periods of denial (up to two weeks at the last go-round) without the belt.

These are the core of the rules:

  • My rules for masturbation are set every Sunday. They default to the previous week’s.
  • I keep a journal of when I masturbate, as well as when I want to but don’t due to the rules or due to the device, which I submit Sunday morning.
  • The current rules are to masturbate exactly three times per week. This sets up the dual dilemma of restriction and requirement, meaning the need for some strategizing. The number of what I call “Masturbation Units” (MUs) has sometimes been one. Other weeks it’s been by specific permission only.
  • There are accommodations for when the belt prevents reaching my quota.
  • When I am belted, she will remove the belt at least every three days for cleaning (both of it and of me). It might go right back on, in which case, masturbation during the cleaning is prohibited.

We have not yet spent a lot of time with me in the belt, in part because we’re still fine-tuning the physical side of it to prevent sores from rubbing and so forth. But it’s always there, and I never know when it’s going to be brought out. Most of the occasions on which it’s been on, it has been the full three days.

One thing that’s easily seen in this is that we’re not a long-time-denial couple. In part, this is because she enjoys sex with me, including the kinds that are not possible with the belt. In turn, I’m fascinated with the idea of my wearing a strap-on, including the strap-on gags that are popular these days. But for me, denial works best when there is hope. For example, we both love hand-jobs. But I also love not knowing whether she’s just going to edge me (at which she is expert) or let me come. And I do a great job of the mindfuck on myself with this.

At this time, I am preparing for a week-long trip away. Last night, during one of these slow hand-jobs, we observed that: (a) it was Saturday night, so the rules could change soon; and (b) I was going to be away, so any change wouldn’t result in her being denied (into which she very definitely is not). She then capped it by letting me know that I was not to take advantage of the loophole, by which I could masturbate sometime after midnight Saturday night before new, more restrictive, rules might come down. Then she stopped and said “good night.”

I love my life, and I love my wife.


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Breaking a rule (NSFW text)

I am breaking a rule right now. I have an electronics “blackout” during the night (11:30pm to 5:30am — I’m an early riser) to help with good quality sleep, which has often been a problem for me. When Jalan wakes, I’ll explain and ask forgiveness. But I’m making a judgment call, meanwhile.

Jalan is asleep, and has not been sleeping well. So I am not waking her to explain. But I’ve got the “midnight collywobbles,” as a dear friend calls them. Otherwise known as a mild anxiety attack. Nothing seems quite right, recent decisions seem ill-advised, etc. This is a familiar feeling, though it hasn’t happened in some time. I don’t want to take anything pharmaceutical, partly because it’s so late, and partly because  I already took a sleep aid. I decided to get online as a way of not dwelling on the details (even though I am writing on the general issue). Perhaps this will help.





Conan! What is best in life? (NSFW text)

To have a sex life that means that you have to watch out for the bubble wrap on the way out of the shower.


More on denial (day 10, explicit NSFW text)

do have some things to say on other elements, but the way Jalan is handling this is a new experience for me, getting at one of my core kinks in a very powerful way. So it’s on my mind.

“You may come to see the belt as a mercy.”

That was 6 days ago. Still without relief, since the 26th of February, though I did get one night belted (and she was right, now it is “get” a night belted). Not only no relief, but much active teasing and edging. I was traveling part of last week, which actually helped. Normally, lonely hotel rooms leave me wanting to masturbate — but, while that was true, it was much less so than with Jalan’s active role in making it more urgent.

I’m also traveling this week, and she’s done a few things to keep it from being a help! First, Saturday night, she closed the potential loophole a new Sunday would bring. The default rule is no longer masturbating once per week, but now only by permission. That means no more chance to do so on Sunday morning before a new limit comes in.

Sunday, I contemplated asking permission — no denial declaration had come down for this week. I was not afraid of being told ‘no,’ but I was more afraid of being told that I would have to edge myself. Prophetic, as it turned out, even though I did not ask.

That evening, she tied me in a partial suspension that included many of my favorite ingredients, and that left me bound, gagged, blindfolded, and entirely helpless (I should say that first, she “fed” — had me make sure, at some length, that she is not the one denied). Then proceeded with the edging, to the point I was, for lack of a better term, dripping. Which is nothing at all like an orgasm from my side! Jalan then explained that she wanted me more aware of the denial and her control on this week’s trip. I would/will have exactly one orgasm this week. It will be while on the trip, and it will be at her explicit direction. I will also, I’m informed, get practice edging myself.

She’s good to me.


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Some implications on chastity/denial (explicit NSFW text)

You have been warned. There’s some semi-explicit narrative, but also some general perspective further down on how chastity/denial works for me.




Sunday night, as previously posted, I had taken the offer to be able to masturbate on the terms that that would be the only time I’d cum this week. I knew I’d be in for a terribly delightful and delightfully terrible week one way or the other — as Jalan is fond of saying, my denial is not her denial.

This became exceedingly clear last night. Now, to be sure, I’m generally a quite attentive lover, and good with my hands, even aside from chastity hardware or restrictions. And I am happy to oblige her, either as requested/required, or on my own initiative. All that said, I also realized, to my thrill and horror, that my slowness described before meant she could take even more advantage of my predicament — as long as I alerted her when I was getting close. The chastity/denial crowd knows this as edging, and the slowness makes me an especially vulnerable target of it.

So we proceeded to have a good time — especially her — and had a talk about how this was going (granted, after just one night). In particular, Jalan stressed how much she was enjoying this twist — with the express implication that this week may not be the end of the regimen. It is, of course, entirely up to her. Which is the point.

Now the pontificating, in part based on last night’s conversation, but in part on months of discussion and decades of kink. In all of my power-dynamic relationships, whether as dominant or submissive, the D’s control over the s’s sexuality has been extremely important to me — masturbation restrictions, orgasm control, physical devices/belts, teasing/delay/denial, etc. As I am submissive to Jalan, I’ll focus on the s perspective for the rest of his.

To me, giving over control of my sexuality is one of the most potent (there will be lots of accidental puns, please ignore) forms of submission. Yes, I’m obedient. Yes, I’m respectful. Yes, I love to do things to help and please my partner. But sexuality is just so primal that having a dominant control mine means she controls the expression of that very basic drive. In general with restrictions, more so with the belt, and all the more so the past 48 hours, I’m constantly aware that I have given up something that’s a basic biological imperative.

Now, Jalan has taken that full control. Not only may I not masturbate, but I may not cum, even when we’re having sex. And it’s not a matter of controlling the orgasm and only cumming when she permits, it’s full denial. She has said I will not have an orgasm the rest of this week — and I know she will not change her mind on this. There is no hope this week. And she most definitely has not said, nor have I asked, what next week’s rule will be. Or the week after that. The more she enjoys my predicament, without herself feeling denied, the longer this could go. It’s completely out of my hands. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Jalan owns me completely. Head to toe, and everything in between.

An aside: I asked her later last night what the rule would have been if I had not taken the offer to masturbate. She said she had not fully decided, but it would probably have been either the same (no orgasm for the week) or the other extreme (several orgasms or, as physiology permitted, masturbation sessions required each day).

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Posted by on February 28, 2012 in General / Overhead, Uncategorized


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